Tomorrow's Goodbye
by Maggie Doyle
Summary: Not only does Paige have to deal with the thought of Dean raping her, but also the after affects, and how they will change her life, forever. Deals with the aftermass of rape and contraction of AIDs


**A/n- **Okay, this is my first ever Degrassi fic. I have done much research for this, but there are some things that could be wrong, and for that, I'm sorry. I'm not sure if this is a one stand or if there are more than one.

**Summary**- Paige starts pulling away from family and friends when affects from the rape become suddenly larger.

**Spoilers**- Shout

**Categories-** Angst

**Rating-** PG-13 at some points

**Warning**- sexual contact mentions and after mass of rape

**Pairing**- Paige and Spinner

**Disclaimer**- I don't own any characters from Degrassi

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Paige quickly motioned her hand as a tear trickled slowly down her blush colored cheeks. She looked up into his eyes. Emotionless. That was the only word to describe him. Like he had gone numb.

"Say something," she pleaded, regretting what she had just said as they stood there on the cold fall night. Spinner just froze as the wind whistled through the air, remorsefully knocking down the red and yellow leaves.

"Why didn't you tell me before?" he asked, holding the tears that were fighting to come out. The pain inside was unbearable. The questions engulfed his mind. Fear for her was all he could concentrate on as he tried to hard to avoid her glance. He tried to say what he was thinking, to comfort the love of his life, but couldn't. He had lost that strength somewhere, and needed to get it back.

"I couldn't. I mean, when I found out... Hazel doesn't even know," Paige said, more tears spilling. He was supposed to be the shoulder to cry on. He wasn't supposed to know why.

"I can't... I can't do this right now..." Spinner said, turning away. Spinner cursed himself as soon as the words came out of his mouth. How could he leave her there? '_She needs you more than ever now, and you're going to leave her?' _But his feet just kept walking, running, floating... flying away. Away from the pain, away from love.More than anything Paige wanted to follow him, to chase after her first love, but she couldn't. She was frozen. In fear. In confusion.

Paige looked down at her folded hands. They were fidgeting. She shivered as she shut the door to her house and headed to her room.

"_Paige Michalchuk," a lady asked, turning the corner in a white long coat. Paige sat down the magazine she wasn't reading and stood up slowly. The room was off white, giving it a dirty feeling with the tears in the wall, a magazine table and a small, rusting medal rack. There were 2 little boys with their mother who was only in her 20s but gave a vibe that said she's been through hell and wasn't going to go back, a teenage boy with zit face and glasses that outlined his broad, strong face and an older lady waiting, all fidgeting, wanting to be anywhere else. But the fear they held, all brought them just a bit closure as they had a silent relationship with only a smile and a single hello and they wished her love as she stood numbly._

_Paige followed the lady through two doors, down a narrow hallway with three-closed door._

"_You can go in there," the lady said, handing Paige a cup. Paige hesitated, but walked into the bathroom. After she was done, she was shown to another room where she waited. A man came in smile spread on his face. _

"_Hello... Paige," he said, looking at his sheet for her name, "My name is Dr. Clayton," he said, shaking her hand. He had a firm grip. A grip of steel, a grip of Dean. She fidgeted again, trying harder than anything against, but that stupid fidget, the one she hated more than death had to happen, had to control her._

"_Hey," she squeaked in a voice resembling a kindergartner on her first day. Vulnerable and weak. Real weak. _

"_Okay, I'm going to ask you some questions, I need you to answer them truthfully, I wouldn't judge," he said, talking to her as if she were that child. She nodded. She didn't fidget. And for that, she was happy._

"_Okay, have you ever had any sexual intercourse with anyone?" he asked. She nodded, tears welling up. _

"_When was the last time?"_

"_Um... about 2 months ago," she said, hand moving towards her mouth. He jotted down some notes and looked up._

"_Do you know if he had AID/HVI?" _

"_I'm not sure, I don't know him really," she said. He shot a look, but nodded. She didn't know him, and would never have to see him again, but she had to make it clear that she wasn't just some teenage girl trying to piss off her parents or impress a guy. "It's not... I'm not like that," she said quickly, brushing back a strand of hair as she looked up at him again._

"_Have you had sex with any one else?" he asked. _

"_No..." she said, biting her lip. _

"_Okay... well, the test should be in in about a week. We'll call..."  
"No," she cut him off. "I'll drop by next Friday," Paige said sternly. She was going to face this herself first. "I don't want my parents to know anything."_

"_You know you will have to tell them," he said._

"_I know, but from me," she said, reassuring the man. She quietly left, making an appointment Friday. _

Paige sat on her bed, curling her legs up into her chest. It wasn't supposed to happen like this. She was supposed to have a normal life. She was supposed to be able to love her boyfriend, not be afraid to be with him. She wasn't supposed to have AIDS. She rolled on her bed and turned on the CD player on her nightstand.

Paige walked down the hallway, flowing the same lady that worked a week ago. She was scared to death. Everything she had, everything she knew and loved; her life was on the line. She knew that Spinner couldn't handle life, or high school for that matter without sex. No teenager could anymore. Tears formed in her eyes at the though of her and Spinner breaking up.

"_Hello Miss Michalchuk," the doctor said, coming in the door after a little wait. His eyes pierced through her as she sat in the old, very uncomfortable chair. Maybe it would have been okay if she was at home, maybe even in school, but here, the last place she wasn't to be, it was the most uncomfortable chair she had ever sat in._

"_Hello," she mumbled barley hearable. _

"_Well... I am very sorry to be the one to tell you this, but you have AIDS," he said, looking down at first. He looked up, trying to catch her eyes. She quickly went into tears. He comforts her, giving her tissues and hugging her. After about ten minutes, she regrouped. Rocking in the chair she looked up. _

"_How am I... this isn't suppose to happen," she mumbled, reality and sensibility taking control_

"_I know," he said, looking sympathetic._

"_What does it mean?" she asked, a tear drying her eyes._

"_Well, right now, it means keeping healthy and making sure you don't have sex or mix blood with anyone," he said. "I am going to send you and your parents... that is if you want them there, to a class. I'll give you some packets and expect to be seeing you monthly."_

"_Is it okay not to tell my parents?" she asked._

"_It is not recommended. These next few months will be extremely hard emotionally on you, and parents will be a big help. But, I am legally bound to keep this between us two since you are over sixteen," he said. _

"_Okay, just give me a few days to tell them," she said wiping a tear. _

"_Of course," he smiled. "I am going to have Kathleen come in here and talk to you and give you some of the information. I am also going to ask that you see a councilor at school," he said. She nodded and he left, but was replaced with a young lady with short black hair and a smile of an angel._

"Paige, you look fine right now. Everything is in order and working well," Dr. Clayton smiled his routinely broad smile. Paige's mother sighed in joy as they stood up. They walked out after making an appointment in five weeks with Debbie.

"This is all going to be okay," he mother said, getting into the car, more for herself than for Paige.

"Yeah," Paige mumbled. She was glad she told her family. Dylan was great, and her mother was protective highly, but still... great. She hadn't told anyone, anyone but her councilor and Spinner outside the family. He had avoided her completely after that. Scared.

"Mom, I told Spinner," she said. Taking a big breath, the fidget took over.

"And?" Her mom didn't want to press, but at the same notion, was curious.

"He hasn't talked to me since," she mumbled, reaching for the radio knob.

"Oh honey. He will, just give him time," she said, looking at her daughter with sympathetic eyes. Eyes Paige had grown annoyed of.

"It's not fair to him though. I mean, I know he wants to so much, he has since forever, but I mean, first I had to get over the rape... and then..." Paige was about in tears.

Her mother forced a tiny smile. Paige had too much to deal with she thought. After finding out Paige had AIDS she of course wanted to know how. Knowing that Paige was completely popular thought it was Spinner, but after Paige came out about the rape... She was just a little girl. She shouldn't have to deal with these kinds of problems. No one should.

"_Mom, dad, I need to talk to you," Paige said. It had been about a week since the visit, and was suppose to have the 101 in two days. _

_'"What is it honey?" her mom asked._

"_Where's dad?"_

"_Here," a voice almost beamed from the kitchen._

"_Um... I don't know how too..." Paige had practice with her councilor many times she could do this. "I have... I have AIDS," Paige said, blushing her blond hair behind her ears. _

"_What?!" her dad asked as if he hadn't heard what his daughter just said._

"_I have AIDS," she said about in tears. _

"_How?" her mother asked, shaking. _

"_Um... we can talk about that later," Paige said, not wanting to have to explain the rape. _

"_When did you fine out?" he mother asked after about ten minutes in shock._

"_About a week ago. I went to the doctor because my councilor said I should. I didn't want to get you worried until I was sure," Paige said. Her parents just sat there. Trying to take in what they just learned. A million things ran through their minds. Who? Why? Why her? Why them?_

"_I have a AIDS 101 class in two days after school. Dr. Clayton said it would be best if you two both came," she said. The nodded, but stayed silent. This was their baby, their little girl._

"Dylan, can you drive me down to the mall?" Paige asked her brother. He nodded and held up a one-minute sign. "Thanks" she smiled, going to get her purse. She didn't fell like driving at all, and this way, she would have to stay and couldn't make any excuses to leave.

She waited for her brother and they headed off in the flashy red sports car.

"So, how ya felling?" he asked.

"Fine, I guess," she said, fidgeting.

"Well..." Dylan loved his little sister. She was very pretty and accepted most people. She was the first one to deal with him admitting to be gay. She wasn't a bitch, or ignoring the fact. She dealt with it. He prayed he would be able to do the same thing with AIDS. "So, meeting Spinner?"

"No," she said. "Ash and I are going to hang out,"she said.

"Fight?"

"He knows," Paige said, eyes watering, hands fidgeting.

"Hun, Spinner is the worst with dealing with things. But he loves you; he'll get over it. You two were meant for each other," he said. "And besides, if he doesn't think so, he doesn't deserve you."

Paige chuckled. "You really should stay out of my movies," she advised.

"_Spinner, stop it," Paige said, pushing him off of her as he tried to take off her blouse. _

"_Paige..." he moaned, very annoyed. _

"_I said no," she said, eyeing him as she tried to keep in her tears._

"_Yeah, whatever," he said, turning to leave._

"_Spinner, don't go," she begged._

"_Why not, it is easy to see I'm not wanted here," he said quickly._

"_I... uh... this isn't fair," Paige mumbled, mad at herself. Mad at him. Mad at Dean._

"_Yeah. I mean, come on, I know I should want to wait for when you're... you know... over it..." _

"_It's not that."_

"_Then what is it?" Spinner asked. He loved Paige, more than anyone he has ever known. Just... he was a teenager, and a guy. And, sadly a virgin. _

"_Spinner, you know what, just go," Paige said, pulling her shirt lower. How was she supposed to tell him that she couldn't have sex because of AIDS? The classes have proven that condoms aren't 100 and she loved him too much to take that risk. _

"_Paige," he moaned again. Not being able to make eye connect he left. _

_That next day, Paige walked slowly into the school. Walking down the hall to her locker, she avoids the glazes and stares. Walking up, she saw a card taped to her locker slowly she opened it. _

_**Paige,**_

_**I don't know what's wrong with you. I do really like you... love I mean. It's hard though. Please tell me what's wrong; it is killing me to see you like this. Meet me under 'the tree' at lunch. **_

_**Love, **_

_**Spinner XOXO**_

Paige smiled at the note. Neatly written. She opened her locker and taped it to the inside under her picture of her, Spinner, Jimmy and Ash, and Terri. She grabbed her books and binder and headed off to her first period.

"So, what is up with you and Spinner?" Ashley asked as they walked past a candy shop. Paige just shrugged, not wanting to tell the real reason, and saying she didn't want to talk about it.

"Awe... that bad?" What Ashley got a glare; she held her hands up as if she were surrendering with a white flag.

"Well, now that you moved on, I know someone who has the hots for you," Ashley smiled innocently.

"If you say JT..." Paige threatened, brushing back a strand that laid perfectly off her shoulders.

"Awe... but..."

"That's it. I'm leaving!" Paige said, pretending to get mad. They sat down outside a café, watching as the different guys past by. Ashley had gotten them both brownie mocha iceys along with a piece of banana-nut bread cheesecake. They sat there, enjoying each other's company. They chatted about this and that. Both of them had had it hard and were just getting use to each other again. Ash was one of the only people who knew about the rape. But, unfortunately she didn't know half of it.

Paige walked with her tray to the back of the building. She walked up the hill and sat beside a tiny newly planted tree. That was her and Spinner spot, something they planted together. She waited, and jumped a pond Spinner sitting down beside her.

"Hey," he said, kissing her right cheek. She smiled, brushing back her hair.

"Hey," she said, stealing a fry off of his tray. They sat and chatted until Spinner brought up the other night.

"Spinner... I can't..."

"Hun... you can tell me anything," he said, throwing his arm around her shoulder. "If it is still because you are uncomfortable about the rape..." he stopped. He had talked to Ashley before he went to talk to her. She had offer that as a reason, but was uncomfortable about talking about her friend's sex life with a guy. Even her boyfriend.

"It's... that's..." Paige wanted to use that excuse. That would make things so much easier. But in all truth, she was ready. She wanted more than anything to have sex with Spinner. She knew she was ready. But she loved him too much to ever hurt him like that.

The next thing that happened had to come from the graceful Lord above because it was nothing short of a miracle as the fire alarm went off and about twenty students running in terror at the unplanned alarm.

Spinner walked up to the house, the place he tried not to go. For at least ten minutes, he stood there, rain spiting on him and his pathic self. It wasn't until he heard Dylan's voice did he come out of his mind and back into reality.

"Ya gonna stay out here all day?"

"Is... she home?" Spinner stuttered, looking down, avoiding all contact.

"PAIGE!" Dylan yelled as he headed up the stairs, leaving the door open. Paige trotted down the stairs, makeup off, hair messed up, and glasses on. Her sweatpants hid her beautiful curves as he hit the bottom step and looked at her distressed boyfriend.

"Spinner..." she whispered.

"Paige, please, tell me something," he begged.

"Spinner... I have AIDS," she said, fidgeting with finger ring. He looked at her. Shocked. He at first started with, are you sure... then moved to are you going to inflected me? Paige just started to cry. She stood alone.

The next day, she was late and then she skipped her last classes and cried in the bathroom. When she got her stuff and left, her councilor approached her, asking about the skipping. Paige tried to blow her off, but couldn't.

"Paige, you need to talk to me," she begged. Paige shook her head before wiping a tear off of her make-up stained cheek. She began to break down, and went into her office more to hide as she saw Spinner turn the corner.

"Paige, are you okay?" she asked, shutting the door behind her.

"Please, explain to me why you are the only one I can talk to," Paige asked, sitting down.

"Um... if you want to talk..."

"No... I mean,' Paige started, frustrated, "I fell like I can tell you anything, but when I try to tell someone else..."

"It will take them time..." she smiled.

"Yeah, something I'm a bit short of," Paige mumbled as she brushed back a strand of hair.

"Paige," she started, as she led he to her chair, "I know this is hard for you." By this point, they were still standing but the doors where closed so no one heard Paige's yelling.

"You... you know? How could you possibly... know!" Paige screamed, now started getting mad.

"Paige, when I was fifteen and lived in the US, I lived with an abusive father. The first time anyone found out was when I ended up in the hospital with eternal beatings. I had a blood clot and there was a 75 chance I wasn't going to make it, and if I did make it, there was only a 5 chance that I would come out with a leg. You know what, all I have is a major scar from surgery." She stopped, sitting down in a chair across from Paige and taking her hand, "I remember the night, I remember, praying I would just make it out of the house alive, and you know what, I did. The scar I have from the surgery is nowhere near the size of the emotional scar I'm left with. But, Paige, you must understand, I can't promise you will be alive in twenty years, nor can I promise you will be alive in the next twenty days, but the point is you made it out alive, and if I'm not right, stronger. You might not know it yet, but you have been given a great chance to change your life and other people because right now, you are here. That is the reason I'm a councilor today, so I change or affect someone's life today." She looked up with tears in her eyes, only to be matched with a crying Paige.


End file.
